As part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman Blogfest, I have decided to step out of my comfort zone and write a blog about the beauty of sexuality. So here goes!
It’s true what they say about turning 30. It really is the age of self-discovery when it comes to sex. At 29 I thought I knew all about my sexuality – I was married with children. I’d had flings with other women during one of my many “phases”, I’d even considered the fact that I might be bi-sexual, and at one point questioned whether I might be lesbian, but then I met my husband and nah… I was straight. I loved him, and was faithful. I couldn’t be bi could I? Then I turned 30, and my eyes were opened.
As much as I hate to admit it, reading a certain book about several shades of a colour between black and white, had something to do with my awakening. As a romance author (although unpublished at the time), I thought I knew all that I needed to know about sex. (Ha! You will never know all you need to know when it comes to sex, that is something I have learned over the past 4 years.) It wasn’t just EL James’ best-selling novels that set me on my new journey of self-discovery though.
A lot happened to me in my thirtieth year. One of those was a hysterectomy. After years of struggling with my hormones, and after two horrific pregnancies (both with happy endings thankfully), it was decided that I should just chuck my womb in the bin. At first I thought this extreme operation would leave me feeling less like a woman. I could no longer reproduce. I was no longer “whole”. Would my husband see me differently? Would I look differently? After numerous operations and 2 children my stomach already looked like a map of the London underground. Was I destined to live in baggy trousers and T-shirts for eternity? The truth is that after I fully-recovered from my op, which took six months in total, I felt more like a woman than I ever had. And the sex was amazing. I no longer held onto my orgasms, frightened because I was in pain, or that I was going to have a heavy bleed. I felt so free! My confidence grew, and I had started reading some seriously hot books – EL James introduced me to a world I knew nothing about but was certainly intrigued by. I discovered EROTICA!
I think Hubby was a little bit intimidated when I suggested different positions and introducing toys into our sex life. It was like we were in a new relationship all over again, discovering new likes and dislikes. We even created a safeword – it was such an exciting time. Four years later, and we are more comfortable with each other than we have ever been. I am no longer embarrassed by my body, I have learned to embrace the flab and love the scars and stretch-marks. Hell, this body made babies and endured enough hell for the entire female population, I think I look damn good! To boost my confidence even more, Hubby (who happens to be a photographer) set up a photo-shoot for me, and I even took my clothes off!!
Since turning 30, I have discovered that sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. With my confidence sky-high, I realised that the myths of sex are exactly that, and I opened up to my sexuality even more. It is possible to like both men and women, but be in a monogamous marriage with someone of the opposite sex, settle down and have children.
Make sure you visit August’s blog to be in with a chance of winning some great prizes!