That’s probably not at all accurate. I wasn’t around in the 1950s, so I can only go by stereotypes, films, and things my grandparents told me. But in a sense, yes I have a 1950s marriage in the modern day age.
This all came about quite recently when discussing what the word “authority” meant, and who has authority over us. I said my husband, and the immediate response was “how can you let your husband control you!” Well, I don’t.
That’s us on a night out. Does it look controlling to you? No. Because it’s not.
I don’t work, or not in the sense that other people do. I’m a mum, 24-7, and a writer, and I work as a stylist for Rich when he’s doing one of his photography shoots. I don’t stop. But I don’t get paid for it either. Rich, however, works full-time in an office as well as running his own photography business, which means we are comfortably living off his wages alone. This means he controls the money, more or less. Hence a 1950s marriage. He looks after the money, I look after the home.
I have been asked if we have a sub/dom relationship. If you think that, then you’ve been reading faaaar too much Fifty Shades of Drivel. There is no red room of pain in our house. He doesn’t stalk me. He doesn’t tell me what I can wear, how much make up I can put on, what to eat, who I can see. He doesn’t insist that I have my hair styled a certain way, or visit the spa to get waxed on a regular basis (yes, I’ve read the books). He’s not an abusive arsehole! He wouldn’t dare tell me to lose weight – the last time he suggested that, it did not end well, for him. Although it did result in my Amazon wishlist being emptied rather rapidly… Getting back to the point – he does not control me, but he does control how much I spend. He pays of my credit card – if he doesn’t pay it off, then no new shoes for me that month! Even then, he would’t ever say “no you can’t have that” unless we were really strapped for cash, and then he’s saying it because he’d rather we have a roof over our heads than I have yet another handbag that will only see the light of day once a year.
So you see, it’s not about control. It’s about working together in a partnership – he sells, I buy. He’s the accountant, I’m the purchaser.
Whenever I talk to other women about our marriage, they’re always surprised by how traditional we are, i.e. getting married before having children, and him working while I stay at home. Is that really such a bad thing? It doesn’t make me any less equal to him. I haven’t suddenly lost the right to vote or wear trousers. I’m not restricted to the house and abused in any way, shape or form. It shouldn’t matter what era our marriage is from. It matters that we love each other. He doesn’t control me, he takes care of me. And that is what’s important.