A-Z of Romance: X is for the missing chromosome (slightly sexist post)

So a bit of a stretch, but I couldn’t think of anything for ‘X’. Have you ever looked in the ‘X’ part of the dictionary? There’s not much there…

Of course by “missing chromosome” I’m talking about men. (Biology lesson for those who don’t know: Women are made up of XX chromosomes, men are XY.) I’ve come to the conclusion (as have many of my female friends) that this missing chromosome is the reason why some men have difficulties in understanding, listening, and being compassionate. I know that sounds sexist, but let’s face it – it’s the truth.

I’m no expert, but I’ve had a fair few relationships, have a lot of male friends, and my husband does describe our relationship as “being married to a man with boobs”, so when it comes to understanding how men think, I’m pretty sure I’ve got it covered!

Hints and Tips

Men don’t do subtlety. For four years I said things like: “I’d love to have somewhere to put my ornaments”, slowly moving up to: “I’d love to have some shelves up”. After four years I changed to: “Put some goddamn shelves up”. That worked. My point is that if you want an early night, don’t tell a man that’s what you want. You have to be blunt. If you want sex – tell him. Then he’s likely to respond and you won’t feel ignored. Unless he’s on the X-Box, then you have no hope. You could walk in front of him wearing absolutely nothing and he wouldn’t get it.

So stop putting hints and tips about the place and getting pissy when he doesn’t do anything about it. It’s not his fault – it’s the missing chromosome.

Cuddles and Kisses

I’m 99% sure that all things romantic are held in the X chromosome, which is why (and there are exceptions to the rule) 99% of men are half as romantic as women. So when he turns up with a wilted bunch of carnations instead of a dozen red roses, don’t hate him, be grateful that he got you flowers at all – at least he’s tapping into the romantic part of his brain.

When it comes to cuddles and kisses, most men will automatically think it’s leading to sex even when it’s not. Don’t blame him, blame the chromosome and remember that men have two brains and it’s not the one in his skull that does the thinking.

Remembering Dates

All things relationship and memory are held in the X chromosome, so again most men are at a disadvantage since they only have one. I have been victim of a forgotten birthday, forgotten anniversary, and forgotten other special dates, so you have my complete sympathy if it has happened to you. And while I am still bitter and angry, I strive to remember that it’s not his fault – it’s that damn chromosome.

That missing chromosome has a lot to answer for.

DISCLAIMER: Not all men are the same, not all men behave the way I’m about to describe, so don’t tar all of them with my brush. This is purely on experience. I’m sure there are men out there who are not affected by this missing chromosome.

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